Real Kultcha

Well, here we are boys and girls, it’s August and we’re still looking fine hereabouts – COVID wise.  You should also know this is the first year I’m not going to Fiji due to COVID-19.  

Mind you, I usually don’t go because I’m poor!  And how about that ding-a-ling the police caught asleep in his car just south of Forster!  He was from somewhere in Sydney and should still have been there!  What was he doing up here?  He was bored and went for a drive.  Yep, some mothers do have ‘em, they move amongst us and they also breed!  No wonder Our Glad is tearing her hair out!  Which part of  STAY  SIT  do those idiots have trouble processing?

What’s been happening in the wonderful world of sport?  Well, first off I should tie up a couple of loose ends regarding how The Cockroaches  went – or to be truthful, didn’t go.  All was fine at my end:  the big screen TV was working, the Esky and popcorn were FETHed, the headphones had new batteries and the heater was on.  Cue  The Cockroaches.  I did say several months ago that when their backs are to the wall  The Canetoads  grow another leg and that happened again.  It was a good game, we lifted the trophy but it should have been three zip.  Next year.

And now because of two or three blokes who were moving some furniture from somewhere to somewhere else (and that included going to Melbourne and Adelaide), COVID-19 is off and running again.  One news report said the blokes knew they were infected but still went.  I can’t believe somebody would be that stoopid but the result now seems to be we’re all in lockdown again and the two major football codes have decamped to I don’t know where!  Mind you, I really don’t need to know where they are because that’s above my pay scale.  That’s what V’landys and McLachlan are paid their huge salaries to do.  Me, I just have to sit in front of the TV and watch – unless of course, Collingwood is playing and then I do something more interesting, like floss the cat or polish the white side-walls on the car’s fan belt!
The big news of course, is the Tokyo Olympics have taken place, a year late, under huge threats from COVID, with the locals apparently dead against them even occurring.  And just before they started one of our team was busted for taking drugs!  He was an equestrian, hadn’t then left for Japan but he allegedly commented it was just some smack he took socially.  And that makes it all right does it, you ding-bat?  And his horse was already in Japan!  Yep, some mothers do have ‘em!

By the time you get to read this gem of English literature the Olympics will be over but I think I can speak for all of us and say our team has done us proud.  At the time of writing we are sitting fourth on the medal tally and that means simply, we’re punching way, way above our weight!

I’ve noticed also at these Olympics, the medals are presented to the athletes on a tray and they pick them up and put them around their own necks.  Yep, that’s another COVID solution for these games.

This year our media has also toned down it’s jingoistic rhetoric and aren’t blathering on about, and actually counting, the number of medals they say we’re going to win.  It’s taken them a while to realise what they say doesn’t actually mean it will happen and all it does is put unwanted pressure on the athletes.  Mind you, I saw a press interview with heavies from the US swim team and one lady dribbled out loud that she’d be surprised (or words to that effect) if she didn’t win all the medals available!  That’s the way we used to sound and it was  MEGA UGLY.  I think she won a bronze.  Our swim team though, has also done brilliantly and are now the greatest team we’ve ever had.  And to top it off, Brisbane has been granted the 2032 Olympics.  Can’t wait.

The Oz team overall had some withdrawals and surprise, surprise, Nick Kyrgios was first on that list.  He didn’t go to Tokyo because there’d be no crowds and he says he doesn’t play his best without a crowd to play to.  Oh please!.  Another was female basketballer Liz Cambage.  She’s pulled out because of the pressure and the fact she’d have to live in a COVID bubble without her own support team.  She told reporters she’s “ …. been having breakdowns in the car park, like non-stop panic attacks (and) hyperventilating …. ”.  Another to pull out was men’s basketballer Ben Simmons.  He had a terrible conclusion to his NBA season and decided to focus on his skills rather than go to Tokyo and that’s a pity because he was missed.

The Galahs are somewhere in the world at the moment (please don’t tell me – I’d rather not know) playing Bangladesh and it looks as if they couldn’t win a raffle if they had the only ticket!  They’re pathetic though they did pick up a hat-trick!  That may have put back my call-up but I’ll keep you informed.

Talk at you next month,

The Hillside Critic     

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