You’ve Got To Be Kidding… A Shedload of Wine and a Farm Full of Goats

“You’ve Got To Be Kidding… A Shedload of Wine and a Farm Full of Goats” is published by Harper Collins.

Rrp. $34.99

Author Todd Alexander wrote his hilarious memoir “Thirty thousand bottles of Wine And A Pig Named Helga” about he and his partner Jeff moving to the country. Now comes the sequel, with some advice from Todd . . . . .

How To Succeed In The Country (Without Nearly Dying)

Have a Fall Guy

For me, that’s encouraging my poor long-suffering partner Jeff to do most of the dangerous work.  He’s the one who handles all the lethal chemicals, defends helpless animals against marauding goannas and savage wild dogs, crouches behind kicking goats to trim their nails and removes most of the native corpses.  After all, someone needs to stick around to tell the stories if something goes wrong – that may as well be me.

Befriend The Locals

If you go to Paris and don’t try to speak French you’ll be instantly dismissed as another annoying “English” tourist.  The same goes for the country.  If you don’t show the locals you’re prepared to break a sweat, your back and a nail or too – you won’t be taken seriously.  And you won’t survive without help and knowledge from locals who have country life in their blood and no amount of convincing your city mates that you’re a tree-changer can make up for assisting the locals who come to your rescue time and time again.

Become a Hurdler

Mother Nature has a bitter and twisted sense of humour.  You’ll face one of her little challenges and survive by the skin of your teeth, only to have her throw you another… the very next day. From drought to overnight flood, a visit from the world’s longest brown snake (or so it seems), deadly algae in your animal’s drinking water, oh and a little thing called Covid-19.  Practice running and jumping, both will come in very handy.

But most of all, bring a smile to everything you do.  If you can’t laugh at life on the land, you’ll end up crying – a lot.